Tips to Encourage Your Children to Go With the Other Parent When They Don’t Feel Comfortable
One of the most frequently asked questions a family attorney gets is what to do when the children have to go with the other parent and they don’t want to. It is really hard for separated parents to encourage their children to do something they don’t feel comfortable doing. However, as long as they aren’t avoiding going due to some type of neglect or abuse, your job is to actually be as reassuring as possible and encourage them to go.
Court-ordered timesharing should not be violated. However, some children just don’t do well with change so the transition is quite difficult. You will be doing your children a favor if you work to make it as smooth as possible. Don’t let your own anxiety over them leaving show. When your children feel that you are not okay with them going to see their other parent, it creates a discomfort and mixed feelings in them. Just make sure to let them know that you will miss them while they are away but you are glad that they are going to be able to spend time with their other parent. If you know things that are planned for that time, then remind them so they have something nice to look forward to.
Sometimes, it may be a good idea for you to keep your plans to yourself about what you are doing while the children are gone. If they feel like you are doing something fun without them, they may not want to go see their other parent. If they ask you what you will be doing let them know the basic things such as cleaning, working, reading a book, those types of things that they see you take part in all the time.
Let your child take items that are familiar to the other parent’s home. This can be pictures, games, a blanket, or even a stuffed animal to sleep with. Too many parents have set limits that what is at their home has to stay there. This setup is not one that benefits the children in any way.
Talk to your children about the established timesharing schedule and let them know what it will be. You can help them mark the days on the calendar that they will be with each parent. This will make it less confusing for them, especially when the parents exercise 50/50 timesharing. Explain that you will be just a phone or video call away, so they feel you are there. Try to have a mutual agreement with your ex that the children can call either parent when they want to or at a set time. This way you can remind them they can give you a call later to tell you how they are doing. This helps reduce the stress and tension of the back and forth generated by this type of timesharing arrangements.
Help your children prepare for being with the other parent. You can give them gentle reminders such as telling them that tomorrow they will be going with their mom or their dad. You can also let them know a couple hours before the transition will take place. Don’t show up late to the exchange location. This creates a tense environment that is not favorable especially for children that are already reluctant to go.
It can be difficult at times to put on the smile and encourage your children to go with the other parent. Yet it is something you need to do for them to make the transition easier for either parents and children. Some children only have such anxiety when they are going from one parent to the other. Others experience it with both exchanges as it is the change that bothers them.
By attempting to have some consistency at both homes though, it will help children to get past such issues. While divorce or separation is never going to be easy for them, they are going to need the love and support of both parents to get them through it. Don’t fail to realize how important it is for your children to know both parents. You also don’t want to fail to realize how your own reaction to them leaving is going to affect them. As time goes by, you will have less issues with the transitions. They may still come up now and then, but they won’t be an all the time thing anymore and eventually, you will see your children are going to secretly thank you for it.