Getting Along After Divorce: Its Positive Impact on Your Children
A decision to get a divorce not only affects the married couple, but also takes a toll on the rest of the family. Especially if minor children are involved. Even though it's very difficult to hide the feeling of hostility that usually emerges during a divorce, it's extremely important to try to control that feeling constructively if you don't want to affect the kids.
Avoid the mistake of believing that your adult problems are too complicated for your children to understand. Although young children may not understand words like "irreconcilable differences," they're very intuitive and impressionable. Even babies can tell when their parents are at war; the tension in the air has a way of being transferred from one body to the other.
No parent wants their children to suffer through a divorce in the same way they're suffering. If you're going through a rough divorce, implementing the following strategies can help your children stay as happy as possible during the heart-wrenching process:
1. Avoid having arguments in front of the children. To leave the least impact, avoid having arguments in front of the kids. You can have differences, but keep them between you. When the children are within earshot, keep in mind the effect your words can have on them. Take a deep breath, if necessary, to give you time to plan wisely what you're going to say.
2. Respect each other. Avoid saying negative things about each other. The last thing you want is for your children to develop negative feelings towards one of their parents. Instead of piling on the criticisms in front of the kids, you can mention that:
· Both of you love all your children unconditionally.
· Each of you will always play a part in their lives.
· Your children make you happy.
3. Always keep the children’s best interests in mind. It is important to recognize the needs of your children should always be put first. Every child has the right to be spared the trauma and hurt from their parents’ divorce as much as possible.Being unreasonable as to parenting issues will never lead to a common understanding and your children are usually the ones to suffer the most.
4. Share family time. Although you and your spouse are going through a divorce, you can spare your kids the heartache by continuing to spend time together as a unit. While you don't have to hold hands or drive in the same car, putting in the effort to get along on special occasions can help the children continue to have a sense of family.
· Attend meetings together to learn about your child's progress in school.
· Be present together at your children's birthday parties.
5. Share the child rearing responsibilities. Always keeping in mind what’s best for your children, try to reach a middle ground when it comes to parental responsibility and decision making. When you enter into a Settlement Agreement, the minor children’s rights and your responsibilities as a parent are clearly outlined. When your children notice that both of you are working together to raise them, they'll feel that sense of togetherness. Although you're going through a divorce, your kids will understand that both parents play a part in raising them and both parents should be respected.
Divorcing parents should always put the interests of their children at the forefront of their minds. The emotional turmoil you are experiencing is difficult, but you can find strength in being a parent. Once you recognize and acknowledge your most significant role as a parent, you'll find it easier to go through the process of divorce without allowing it to have undue negative effects on your children. Maintain focus on those impressionable young ones and all of you may come out of this stronger people.